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jpotvercjrax ihe month, throughout the nation, When we go places on vacation. September s the month when, home again, Nobody listens to where we've been! She was only a gardener's daughter, but you didn't have to tell her where to plant her tulips. *1 just heard your husband's in the hospital. What's the trouble?" *It's his knee. I found a strange woman on it.'* A lot of nice, fat turkey gobblers would strut less if they could see into the future. An umpire is a retired baseball player whose eyesight begins to fail him. The salesgirl explained it this way: "If you remove the bodice, you will have a playsuit If you remove the skirt, you will have a sunsuit. If you remove anything else, you'll have a lawsuit." * A man who sits in a swamp all day waiting to shoot a duck will yammer if his wife has dinner ten minutes late. The tennis courts of an Iowa high school joined the grounds of the rectory of a church. Occasionally, exuberant youngsters whammed the tennis ball over the fence onto the trim lawns. The courts had been in use only a few weeks when a player, chasmg a stray ball, came face to face with a sign on the rectory grounds which read: Trespassing. The sign came down orernight, however, when the tennis dub . 5^5*** its ovm directly opposite. This Vs Out Trespasses. You know, they also have a slogan in Russia: "Vote for the party. The life you save may be your own." * "My wife spends too much, nags me con sistently, is very untidy, and doesn't under stand me." "Really? When did you meet this other woman?" * Thought for today: Pray for a good harvest, but keep on hoeing. Many a rural romance has started on a gallon of corn and ended with a full crib. * A pretty, little brown-haired, brown-eyed woman was sitting in a rocking chair in an insane asylum and knitting. "Oh," she sighed, "I wish some handsome man would come in that door and make violent love to me." A colored woman who was scrubbing the floor near her, looked up and said, "Yo might hab been crazy when you came in that door, but yo sho' is talkin' sense now!" We waste time, we kill time, and we long for it to pass. Then we bemoan getting old. When the husband came home drunk his wife assailed him with, "If you don't stop this drinking and carousing, I'm going to kill myself!*' Retorted the hapless husband, "Promises! That's all 1 get . . .just promises!" "How'd you get that black eye?" "From a cough." "From a cough?" "Yeah, I coughed in a clothes closet." Stage Manager: "My dear, I wish you would wear a gown in the second act thar is not so daringly cut." Actress: But that is the latest style. Stage Manager: That may be true, but when your husband says, "Woman, you are hiding something from me," the audi ence can't figure out what he means, He was speaking to his four-ycar-old daughter. "Have you a kiss for Daddy?" "No." "Shame on you. Your Daddy works hard all day to bring home a little money and you behave like that. Come on now, where's the kiss?" Looking him right in the eye. the saga cious tot countered, "Where's the money?" The chorus girl was telling the other girls in the dressing room about her birthday party. "You should have seen the cake," she told her companions. "It was marvelous. There were seventeen candies on it--one for each year." There was a disbelieving silence for a moment or two, then her best friend smiled. "Seventeen candles, eh?" she purred. "What did you do--burn them at both ends?" * Seems a lot of men arc so busy learning the tricks of the trade that they never learn the trade. Two men were discussing the coming marriage of their buddy. "He is getting a wonderfully accomplished girl," said one. "She can swim, ride, drive a car, play golf, and pilot a plane. A real all-around girl." "They ought to get along," observed the other. "He learned to cook in the army.'1 POWERFAX. AUTUMN 1954 PAGE 3