Document 6RG93MGk839G2Ly1Da1eY7Xn1

Two duck hunters were sitting behind their blind, one drinking from a thermos ofcoffee, the other from a jug of whiskey. After some hours of sipping they spotted a lone duck winging through the sky. Taking quick aim, the coffee drinker rose, let fire, and missed. The whiskey drinker rose, let fire and brought the bird down. His companion, properly amazed, complimented him on the shot. He replied, "Aw, it's nothing. I usually get five or six in a flock like that." The way of the transgressor may be hard-- but it isn't lonely. The football coach, dejected because his team is losing, looks down his bench of substitutes and yells: "All right, Jones, go in there and get ferocious." Jones jumps up with a start and says: "Sure, coach, but what's his number?" Quiet people aren't the only ones who don't say much. A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. "Is there any message you wish to give your husband if we find him?" asked the officer in charge of the investigation. "Yes," she replied, "tell him mother didn't come after all." There is no wholly satisfactory substitute for brains, but silence does pretty well. The lovely secretary announced that she was quitting her job and shortly thereafter one of the men told her they were striking for a raise because she was leaving. "What's my going got to do with your salary?" she asked. "Well,*' he explained, "We've always considered you one of our fringe benefits." A man ran for sheriff in a small western town and after the ballots were counted found that he had been defeated 100 to 1. The day following the election he walked down the center of the main street carrying two guns. "Sec here," said an indignant citizen, "You have no right to carry guns. You weren't elected sheriff." "Listen," he remonstrated, "A man with no more friends than I've got needs these two guns." Farmer (pulling with one mule): "Giddap Pete! Giddap Barney! Giddap Johnny! Giddap Ralph!" Stranger: "How many names does that mule have?" Farmer: "His name's Pete, but he don't know his own strength so I put blinders or> him, yell a lot of names and he thinks other mules are helping him." "Listen," said one cute young thing to another, concerning a rival, "All a sweater does for her is make her itch!" Sam was not as good a hunter as he pic tured himself in telling accounts of his ad ventures, but what he lacked in ability he had in confidence. Duck hunting with some friends early one morning he sighted his game within easy shooting distance. As his double blast broke the stillness of the morn ing the bird went squawking away. "Fly on, you fool bird," shouted Sam. "Fly on with your stubborn heart shot out!" The road to success is crowded with wives pushing their husbands ahead. Census Taker: How many bushels of corn did you raise last year? Backwoodsman: Didn't bushel it--bot tled it. In these days of low-cut gowns, tight-fitting waists and sheer stockings, it takes will power for a man to look a woman in the eye. The dentist told the millionaire Texas oil man that his teeth were in perfect condi tion. "But I feel lucky today," pleaded the Texan, "drill anyway." "He was nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs." Said the hesitant young sheik upon inherit ing his father's harem; "It's not that I don't know what to do; I just don't know where to begin." "I've sacrificed everything I had in order that you could study medicine," the irate father told his son, "and now that you are a doctor, you tell me I have to give up smoking." Young man to draft board: `But you can't turn me down. I've proposed to three girls, told my boss what I think of him, and sold my car." -A man who had imbibed too freely and was late getting home was berated by his wife for keeping her up. His alibi was that he'd taken the wrong bus. "That I can understand," said his spouse, considering the shape you're in, but how did you find out you were on the wrong bus?" "Well, I kind of thought I was," replied the confused man, "when it stood at one corner for a couple of hours, but what finally tipped me off was the fact that people kept coming in and ordering ham burgers." A doctor had just finished checking over a middle aged patient. "Well, old man," he said with a laugh, "I can't seem to Gnd a thing wrong with you, but I do recommend you give up half your love life." After a long pause and deep thought the patient re plied, "Doctor, which half do you recom mend I give up, thinking about it--or talk ing about it?" Socrates was a Greek philosopher who went around giving good advice. They poisoned him. The two women were discussing a third. Said one, "Well, you have to admit she's awfully kind to her inferiors." After a pause, the other retorted, "But where does she find them?" POWER?AX, AUTUMN 1957 31