Document 2J23jJEr8vV2ja3ODJdaGgr2r

jBOMpearcrax W'i/c (on returning front party): "Why is it I h..v a beautiful new evening gown and never even notice it, but you get popeyed staring at every other woman in the place?*' Husband (sleepily): "Once you know * hat's in the package, it doesn't matter how it's wrapped." * Dr. Bigbill: "Well, well (as he met a former (Utient on the street) I'm glad to see you acain, Mr. Brown. How are you this nioming?" Brown icautiouslv): "First, doctor, does it cost anything to tell you?" Judge: "What do you wish to charge against your husband?" Wife: "Free love. Your Honor. He ain't supported me for six years." Most of us carry our own stumbling block around with us. We camouflage it with a hat. A mild little man walked into an income tax collector's office, sat down and beamed oo everyone. "What can I do for you?" asked the collector. "Nothing, thank you," replied the little man, "I just wanted to meet the people Z work for." N'rat to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. Would you marry a gal whose face was as PTOty as a picture? Sure, if she had the frame to go with it! * Matrimony puts an end to more petting all the park police put together. l^c woman's work that's never b most likely what she asked her wand to do. Too many of us are like the old Negro deacon who wound up a long prayer by saying, "Use me, O Lord, use me in thy work--'specially in an advisory capacity." Backward, turn backward, O Time, in thy flight--I've thought of a comeback I needed last night. "Gas overcomes girl while taking bath". reads a headline in a Bowling Green, Ky., paper. Then follows the account of the neartragedy: "Miss Blank owes her life to the watchfulness of the elevator boy and janitor ..." Fiance: "Now, tell me the truth, dear. You're sure you never let any other man kiss you goodnight?" Girl: "Positively. By the time they leave me it's always morning." + In the middle of a long, drawn out sermon, the preacher interrupted himself to order a small boy, "Wake up your father, Jimmy!" The boy replied, "Wake him up your self, you put him to sleep!" After a long course of treatments had failed, the masseuse sighed to her plump patient: "We can't fight fate. After all, there is a destiny which shapes our ends." Stoop: "They say only one man in a hundred is a leader of men." Droop: "Yeah, and the other ninetynine follow women." A newly-made widow called at an insurance company office for money due on her late husband's policy. Said manager, "I'm very sorry, madam, to hear of your loss." "That's just like you men," she snapped. "Always sorry when a poor woman gets a chance to make a little money." Many a man has made a monkey out of himself by reaching for rhe wrong limb. Wife; "Do you have a good memory for faces, dear?" . Husband: "Of course I have." Wife: "That's good, I just dropped your shaving mirror." + Of course lots of lives have been destroyed by whiskey, but just look at all the boats that have been wrecked by water. Registrar: "Have you been married before. Madam? And if so, to whom?" Film Star: "Oh, I didn't know this was going to be a memory test!" One evening a young matron was return ing from a First Aid class, and she came upon a man sprawled face down on a darkened side street. "Ah!" thought the girl, "Providence has led me hither to minister to this poor un fortunate." Parking her car nearby, she rushed over and began artificial respiration. Presently the man stirred, looked up, and speaking with difficulty, said: "I'm holding a lantern for a guy working down in this manhole. I ain't sure what you're up to, lady, but this ain't the time or the place." * "Dad," asked the small boy, "Why is a man not allowed to have more than one wife?" "My son," replied the father, "when you are older you will realize that the law protects those who are incapable of pro tecting themselves." * First Street Cleaner: "I hear you made a big killing in the stock market." Second Street Cleaner: "Not exactly. I just cleaned up a little along the curb." Gardening--An early symptom oflumbago. POWERFAX. SPRING 1934 PAGE 31